Monday, September 29, 2008
there is no response from him as usual. now his lunch hour consists of michelle and/or sarah. he only eat lunch with us if michelle is around and decides to eat with us. and lately michelle's been buying breakfast for him. after work they also went out drinking together. with vendors i guess. but so wad? each time he also sent her home. and its NOT cos she is drunk. both of us drunk he also chooses to send her home. she's a 30+ old woman while im younger. more worry about her instead of me. thanks man. if im an outsider and do not know them at all, i'll probably mistake them as a couple. perhaps thats wad they are. already feeling numbed. if this is his decision, then i'll accept it gracefully and i mean it. i'd enough of everything.
last thursday after i saw the jabber logs, i broke down on the way back home. super down. started smsing all the guys who i know has interest in me, wanting to get him out of my mind. one of the people i smsed is my ex, corliss. he replied me and asked me if im alright. i said i need someone to acc me. and he agreed to meet me on friday. so we did. some things will never change. as usual, seeing him, regardless of how down i am, he will always be able to bring a smile on my face. he also is able to see through my heartfelt thoughts. didnt wanna bring up kenny initially but corliss kept pushing me to talk about it. so i did.
his comments straight are,"you are still the same old you. i believe you had put in your best to forget the past and has been doing great these few years while we are apart. are you sure you wanna ruin the effort you had put in cos of a guy? when are you going to stop assuming and being so self confident? can you stop living for others? don't keep reading too much into a simple sentence. that is nothing between you and him".
tears just dropped profusely when corliss said that. deep down, i know he is right. every advice that friends around me have given me are advices i have gave others before. its just easier said than done. i also don't wanna wreck my future cos of a guy who doesn't appreciate me and doesn't have me in his heart. what for man. i've already went on a long break and changed my image. its time for me to change my attitude and outlook on love matters. focus on getting my carrer and degree first. all else will fall in naturally (:
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2:25 PM
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