Monday, September 15, 2008
in my previous post, ii mentioned ii wanna confessed before ii leave for taipei. in the end ii had not. cos the night before ii went on the long break, you and ii were smsing as per usual. you had not asked about where i am going. you did not make any indications that you know ii went overseas. cos you wrote that you envied me for being able to sleep late and wake up late. why the pretense? its so apparent that you do know yet you didnt ask and neither did ii told you. ii flew off in a happy mood and wanna really enjoy the long break away from you and away from work stuffs.
the past few days thats some weird happenings. during daytime while im out shopping and stuff, you have never entered my mind. its almost as if you don't hold a place in my heart. BUT, here's the unusual thing. every night without fail since ii had reached taipei, you appear in my thoughts constantly. ii woke up from the dream remembering the details clearly. we are a couple in the dreams and you are out with me during my gathering with primary sch, seconday schools and my ex-colleagues. the most weird of all is, after ii awaken from the dream, ii went back to sleep. and you surfaced inside the dream once more. in other words, just a night ii can dream of you like 3 times? faint. previously ii only dreamt of you fortnightly. once we are miles apart, the dreams turned so frequent..
this dream incidents really got into me. after 4 consequential nights of such things, ii can take it no more. ii woke up and the tears just flowed by itself. ii can't stop the tears. and shawn (my girl good friend) saw me crying and asked what had happened. as she have went to tekong in Feb and just POP, she wasn't aware of the things between ken and ii. updated her and she shared that one of the reasons why she came taipei is also cos she wished to forget her ex. she is much more clearminded than ii am though. she advised me to profess since ii wanna know the answer badly. after all, she knows ii hate having regrets. ii sat there and considered for an hour. finally, ii'd made up my mind to sms him.
the past few days that im here, i cant stop thinking about u & the dinners/talks that we have. i've been waking up to dreams abt u. i just wanna say i really like u i guess. r/s may not be wad u want. but i don wanna keep quiet & suffer anymore. i always feel down whenever u emphasize u didn't want a r/s.. i've said my piece. i hope that we're still friends even if u don feel the same way.
actually i know wad u want long ago. u're not alone when u confess ur feelings. but r/s aint my priority & i have high expectations too. not easy. don think too much k? focus on ur carrer first. u'll soon come to realise there's greater things in life to pursue.supposedly he has feelings for me too since he had wrote, "you are not alone when you confess your feelings". BUT as expected, he stressed on that he don't want a relationship. reading his sms, no tears came at all. in fact, ii felt more peaceful. even if its a white lie to console me, ii don't mind. ii have said out my thoughts and make sure he really knows it rather than let it remains an assumption. the rest of the stuff i'll just let natural takes its course. he loves acting cool about stuff so ii believe we should not have any awkwardness when we met again. finally ii can sleep well tonight!~
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2:33 AM
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