Thursday, September 25, 2008
i mentioned before that you are a book that i have yet to finish reading. never have i taken so long to understand someone. you're still a mysterious when it comes to deciphering your inner heartfelt feelings. your personality and character wise, i more or less already fully know already.
when i was distributing the sweets yesterday to michelle, she was typing a message to you in jabber. i saw with my own eyes that the topic isn't about work. rather, its some discussion on pride matters. and after scanning through the logs, i realise that you and her have been going out frequently with m1 people to drinking sessions. each time, you sent her home. as for sarah, its the same. you are even planning to go swimming with them. swimming aint a big deal i know. just showing off almost your whole body to your colleagues only. nice one.
truth has it that it has definitely been a lie when you said you and michelle talked about work only. i know its inevitable that people stray off the actual topic during discussion. this is something i frequently do too. and anyway, you and i are just colleagues-friends. we aren't together. why bother covering up and emphasizing so many times that you and her are discussing on work stuff only? i had asked you one time once nia. you repeated yourself for more than 4 times. purpose of this is?
i hate guessing and i hate being lied to. all these are just small things by itself but adding it up all together? its a serious case. in your eyes, it may be a harmless lie. but how much do you really know about me? do you think i'm so heck care when it comes to matters concerning you? it's been pretty obvious that whenever you and michelle are acting super close in front of all of us, my reaction is always looking away or turning silent. and we are all colleagues. what makes you think you can cover up the lies for long? the pain i feel now is much worser than what it originally would be if you had been honest. so i decided to confront you about it through sms as i doubt i can do it face to face.
woman's gut feelings, more often than not, are pretty accurate. will you agree or disagree with this statement?hmmm it depends. when gals get emotional, their gut feeling are pretty much biased. very few gals can make sound judgement in this kind of situations.u've got a point there. then what do you think of your instincts in the recent years? ever since poly or ns days perhaps?i don't rely on gut feel. it's like a gamble. i see, analyse and plan.alright. then your opinons of white lies? do you think its true that its for the person's own good when one says it? or is it more likely for selfish reasons?hmmm white lies with good intentions are harmless. they are white for a reason.to the one who makes them, it may seem harmless. but have they thought of the consequences when their lies got exposed? the pain is worse than wad would have been originally.hmmm then that would be a bad lie and not a white lie.i guess to the person he feels its harmless cos perhaps he dont understand her thoughts that well. cant be helped at times i guess.why are you mentioning about white lies?nothing much. ytd just found out a fren had lied many stuff which i don't understand why. its small single things but adding up makes it a serious case.hmmm it depends on how much you value your fren and the significance in the lies he tells. some people can't stand lies as it is deceitful.
he's been a gd fren. perhaps deep down i know he's trying to protect me from getting hurt. but that stuff won't have affected me if he had said the truth. he makes more lies to cover up the inital one. and fate has it that the lies are exposed. i'll be lying if i say i don't care anymore.
hmmm if the lies were of good intention, then i feel its forgivable. but if it's to cover up a bad deed. then it really depends on how much you value the friendship.
its for my own good that he lied i guess. i'm not mad at him so thats nothing to forgive. just disappointed to know that to him, i'm a narrow-minded person.(waiting for response)it seems like thats many changes in the past week. still recall the weird silence between us during the last dinner. we no longer chat at work. yet earlier we can chat non-stop til we parted. if we are frenz previously, it seems like we have turned into plainly colleagues.
(no response)
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11:38 PM
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