Saturday, August 30, 2008
after 15 hours of sleep, ii feel much clear-minded. when ii woke up, ii realise that menses have come visiting. now ii know why am ii so emotional yesterday. spent some time thinking through the whole episode between me and kenny. sorted out most of my thoughts already.
1) using each other's stuffii started going over to your place and used your computer first. naturally if you need to use my stuff, you will walk over and use it too. sharing of sour prunes and placing on your table is cos ii told you go ahead with it. ii had taken it back on friday. you didnt come over for it once at all.2) the dinners togetherjust like what you told others, you prefer eating out then having homecooked food. your dinner dates are mostly your buddies. it will be a refreshing change to have dinner with someone else at times.3a) the night at toa payohyou are just being a gentleman, sending me to interchange as you were afraid ii would get lost. staying with me until 12 midnight is cos you are used to staying up til late hours. and this is also a chance to let us get to know each other better. perhaps its this night that confirmed your suspicion that ii got feelings for you.3b) you said you believed totally that im being put aeroplaneit could be a white lie. no point in exposing my lies. and you don't wanna hurt me in anyway so this will be the best answer4) taking bus togetheryou know ii usually take bus alone. and it happens that im still around when you are about to leave. thus you had asked if im going off yet. after all, having companionship on bus isn't a bad thing. anyway, it has been 3 weeks since we last took 183 together.those times we met coincidentally at bus stops (regardless morning or evenings), you had said you didnt spotted me as you aint sensitive to your surroundings. this could be pretty true as all of us (my colleagues too) come to realise this week.5) does not mind viewing fireworks especially if it coincides with my outingokay this part ii dunno how to explain. ii had pasted the smses between us in previous post. even though you had said the above, you had added on behind you will not make the extra effort. BUT the next few smses in sequence to this, seems to indicate you have slight interest in me. but of cos, its just assumption on my part. ASS-U-ME is making an ASS out of U and ME so shall not bother with reading too much behind these words.6) candid shots with michelle & the rest except methis is a pretty clear way of rejecting me. you know ii got feelings for you. if we are to take too close pictures, you know ii could have interpret the wrong way. and you also do not wish to allow the others have a chance to say that we got a leg. so taking a couple of pictures & stopping at here is the wisest decision.7) smses/messagesyou had mentioned before that you like chatting with people. and its a basic courtesy to response when people initiate a conversation with you anyway. similarly goes for the chats you had initiated commenting that ii looked tired out or whatever. and ii already said you are acting dao, thus all the more you had replied to almost every single sms the past week(s). but ever since that day, smses have stopped. ii didnt initiate any with you either.8) never formally rejecting meii have never declared my feelings for you. its just actions from me thus far. if you are to come right out and said you are not interested in me, ii could have said its you think too much. and you had insisted on your stand of prefering to be single til having a stable carrer. so yup. this is your way of rejection ii guess. after all we are colleagues. should you reject me straight out, anyone could have seem the difference as ii will definitely be inching away.after coming up with a conclusion for all the bits and pieces of stuff which leads me to believe we got a chance, ii realise ii am just being a fool in love again. blinded just cos you are being a gentleman and careful not to hurt my feelings.
during these 6 weeks, ii have occasionally flashbacks of 2003 to 2006 days. and ii know ii have come very close to resuming 欣's personality a couple of times. it took me 1+ years to pick myself up after the xintat's incident. ii worked hard to get to where ii am at LGA now. ii
shouldn't let a guy wiped off all the effort ii have put in the past 2+ years.
Kenny Ang C.K, read this carefully.
ii know ii have fallen for you and ii
cant stop myself from the jealousy ii felt when you are with michelle. ii do not want to make things awkward for us at work.
ii dun wish for anything to spoilt the special friendship that we have now as ii really treasure it. ii will stop all my moves; smses, the bus trips, not going to use your computer anymore and so on. if you got feelings for me, you gotta make the move yourself.
if you gonna let us become a missed chance, then i'll respect you for it.as for dinner on Monday, 1st Sept 2008.
after all that had happened, ii dunno if you still remember this arrangement we had made. ii will ask you on Mon about it.
if you had forgotten, we will leave it as that. if you hadn't, we will go ahead with it. thats a question which ii will put across to you when we parting. that is, are you drunk that day. yes, no, ii will accept it all. ii just wanna see your face and reaction when ii phrase the question to you. there after,
i'll turn and walk around pretending we are only colleagues. ii mean it, from the bottom of my heart.
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7:13 PM
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Friday, August 29, 2008
28th August 2008Today went to Brewerks @ Clark Quay for Sep babies' dinner celebration. thats 10 of us; Sherry, Huiting, Me, Kenny, Joanna, Michelle, Aaron, Robert, Jay & Net. Ken is seated opposite me while Michelle, as usually is besides him. even before the dinner, ii was already pretty quiet the whole day. adding on with him in front of me, kinda make me even quieter than before. when eating, my eyesight will always be on TV or else chatting with everyone else except him & Michelle. not ii being unfriendly. its just the 2 of them were talking among themselves. so be it.
for those who knows me well, should recall that ii dun touch gassy drinks, more over its beer we are talking about now. ken knows about it too as we talked about this topic a couple of times. but dunno wad got over me. ii'd down beer like water. and ii think he remembered wad ii had said, cos ii felt his eyes on me each time ii picked up my cup & drinked. ii had even challenged the guys to 干杯。 but everybody knows ii aint drank as i'm talking sense.
photo taking & heavy drinking session started after we had finished up our dinner. as the camera flash is too bright and ii had not adjusted to it yet, my eye kept blinking. time goes by and ii got used to it. were teasing J & Aaron to take gay-ier photos then they started asking Ken to have a photo taken with me. there was a space in between us. ii refused to bulge. but he auto moved over beside me. Aaron then asked us to take closer photos. his arm then was placed on my chair. and we were slightly touching shoulder to his chest area. later on when ii viewed the pics, im okay. but he had blinked his eyes. more photos were captured on Michelle's cam. but ii didnt go over take a look. got a feeling she will delete them. she kept commenting then ii had closed my eyes. cant be bothered with her.
the next thing ii know, she asked me to help HER and Ken take photos. crap. she auto slinged her arms over him and he got reacted lorsh. they are like so close can. one of the pics was she almost kissing him.
AND I AM THE ONE WHO TOOK THE PHOTO. DAMNNIT! freaking jealous and mad and upset over it. ii don't dare to be too close too him cos ii dun wan get disturbed by the others. also cos ii scare that he will be uncomfortable with it. ended up? wad happen??
fine. two can play this game. after that ii initiated take pics with J and Aaron separately. in all these pics, ii was very close to them. everybody commented in the pics its as if we are couple. cos we got slang arms around each other, hugged & kissing face too. he witnessed it all. took super close and candid shots with huiting also. his eyes were on me all the while. huiting noticed it and told me. but ii refused to give him a look. so he came standing behind me. then the irritating Michelle followed him. ANGRY!
we all parted ways at 11 plus. Michelle choose to take a cab and Ken following her. he asked me how am ii going back. ii turned to Robert & he said he will send me home. ii agreed readily and walked in the opposite direction. leaving the two of them together is my decision. Ken should already know by now that Michelle likes to act drank and anyhow. well, he wanna be with her right? go ahead! ii will not give a damn about it!
29th August 2008woke up feeling depressed over last night's happening. no sms from him. all the progress we had made the past few days are all forgotten. ii blocked him in jabber & msn. ii didn't join them for lunch. he had not asked me why nor did he ask if need to packet food for me. no sms still when in the office. no form of contact, no nothing.
well, some will say ii started drawing the line first.
who cares? to me, if you are really that concern, you would have approached me to find out wad happened. you hadn't so we shall leave it as it is. even considering calling the dinner date off on Monday. call me childish and over-reacting. but hey, you yourself said you aint interested in r/ship. and maybe you dun wanna reject me cos we are colleagues after all. then its okay. ii shall stop all my moves then.
I'M OFFICIALLY PISSED OFF AT YOU AND YOU WILL BE BLACKLISTED TIL FURTHER NOTICE. MARK MY WORDS EVERYBODY. TAN JULIA FAITH MEANT EVERY SINGLE WORD WRITTEN IN THIS POST. IT WILL NOT BE JUST A DAY THING I'M 200% CONFIRMED GUARRANTED CONFIRMED ON THIS!
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2:22 PM
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Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Its raining heavily during lunch time today. As ii wanna do my Facebook stuff before going off, ii told Sherry ii will join them later. So she passed me an umbrella for me to use when ii go over next door. They left but 10 minutes later Ken came back to office and asked me if i'm ready to go. Wanted to say "No" but he continued to say that they dun have extra umbrella so ii stopped my stuff and leave with him. The two of us shared a pink umbrella. and he is the one carrying it. LOL! but ah, he kinda hold it in wrong direction. so both of us were still drenched in the end. im much more wet though cos ii didnt wanna walk too close with him. by right ii should snatch the chance right? ii choose not to though hahax.
Anyway, ever since last thursday until now, we seem to be making progress. everyday after work we will sms each other. if he reaches home or is with frenz, will stop the sms. BUT, every night before he went to bed, he will reply my last sms to him. then in the morning when ii wake up, my 1st sms of the day will be from him. how do ii know that he smsed before sleep? well, ii had asked him and he told me. plus ii witnessed it one day. after he offlined in MSN, he smsed me then jiu off to dreamland le.
ii finally got the courage to ask him for dinner again. after all it has been 3 weeks since we last took bus together. so ii asked. and he agreed readily. dinner date set to be Monday, 1st September 2008. a great start to a brand new month! /me smiles widely!!!!
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9:18 PM
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Monday, August 25, 2008
had smsed ken on saturday when im on the way to meet my friends. asked him whether he will watch fireworks and an explanation for his answer. he hadn't replied me. so ii never think much of it. suddenly this morning 2am he responsed that he would not as it has very little entertaining value to him. this sms should be sent just before he went to bed ii guess. decided to wait til morning then msged him so that we can be smsing on the way to work.
so yep. morning ii sent an sms saying that he should probably catch it once with your future wife and you'll then get why ii love the fireworks. lol. guess wad he replied? this is wad caused my jaw to drop and smiling the whole morning!
"Haahaa I'm not really entertained by fireworks. mayb it's nice 2 view it. all the more so if it's coincidental on your outing trip. But i wun take the extra effort" when ii read this msg ii just stunned. looked back to see wad i had said in the earlier reply. ii had asked him to catch it with his future wife and he said he wouldn't mind watching it esp if he bumps into me..??!!!??! what does that means? okay ii know he had added on that he will not made the extra effort. but still.... anyway ii took 10 minutes to recover. read on.
me > it'll be great if 2 of us r tgt. but if it ain't possible at the point in time, thinking of the other party during the moment will warm one's heart too (:ken > hmmm i've never experience this b4 so i probably won't know. haahaa. i feel watching with friends is more heart warming then ever esp with close frenzme > definitely but u mentioned ur frenz book ur weekend weeks ahead at times so its not gonna be easy getting you out with meken > if you call each weekend like a weekday ie 4 wkends in every 30days. its not many. sometimes im not well over the weekend and i'll just cancel the meeting ya =)the topic then moved on to else stuff. so wads the above all about??? see liao just blurred out. does it means ii have a chance? ii dun think its ii imagining bah. the smses above are real. in my handphone. and he has not hesitated in his reply. all the msgs came in within 5 minutes of each other. then we stopped the messaging when reached office. but when he left work, he continued the earlier morning last smsed ii sent him which he hadn't replied. and according to reliable sources, during lunch once my hp rang he took a look at my reaction when ii picked up the call. hmmm....? weird. lost again lol.
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9:25 PM
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Sunday, August 24, 2008
meet up with June, Kino & Ben for dinner and to watch Fireworks Festival yesterday. originally planned to take sg flyer up to watch the beautiful view and of singapore. but its raining the whole day so decided against it. Ben's dad had parked at Marina Sq's food court on friday to see the fireworks and had told Ben which direction to look out for. so we got an idea where will be the best place to witness the wonderous colours in the sky. checked out the food court's view, followed by the roof top of Marina Sq. these weren't top enough, neither can we have the entire display. so decided to go Mandrain Oriental Hotel. guess wad? we climbed up to 19th storey already and the roof access is @ 22nd. we met the security guards and were chased down. as Kino was ahead, he had reached the top and informed us its locked too. faint.
time is 815pm by then. Ben thought of benjamin shears' bridge then. made our way over immediately. thank God that Ben had cancelled his appointment with his friends and chosen to come with me instead. or we would not have known about such a stragetic location to see the amazing fireworks. it has been two years since ii last saw it. this time around, its much much nicer. thats only one regret that ii have tonight; being greedy and tried taking 15minutes of the video instead in batches. but hey, wad ii saw will remain in my heart definitely.
click here to view the photos taken by my friend, mr yan!
the very last time ii met Ben is back in my secondary school days. though we both went in to nyp, we hadn't bumped into each other. few months ago he started smsing me and wanna meet up with me. but time isn't right. we always ended up cancelling the meeting last minute as things cropped up. he hadn't changed all these years. still looked and sounded the old Ben ii used to know. he holded my hand and offered me his arms when ii almost slipped and fall as i'm wearing heels and its raining. pretty gentleman. chatted on the 1+ hour ride back to amk. dunno wad got over me. suddenly said out ken's name when ii wanna talked about alex >.< after that, the rest of the conversation between Ben and ii surrounded about ken's past experience; his ambitions and the ranks he used to hold.
we parted ways about 12mn. on the way back ii realise something. all the guys' fren that ii have, ii can always joke around with them. hold hands & arms & tickling them, its all not an issue. ii can do it as and when ii wanna and the guy will never protest. but when it comes to the guy ii like, in this case is ken, ii wanna tickle him but ii dun dare to. when ii wanna get his attention, ii will only call his name or knocked on his chair. ii dun dare to touch him at all. why so? really have no idea =( ii also does not need to have his photo. cos his face is printed on my mind and soul. faith ah faith, dun get so serious! later you will fall deep!!!!!
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9:02 PM
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Wednesday, August 20, 2008
19th August 2008returned back to work today. last night was unable to fall asleep. not sure whether its due to the sudden increase of dosage for my medicine. anyway, was feeling fine when ii left house. but once ii boarded mrt, my body starts feeling unwell. the headache started kicking in much worser than the previous days. then my body temperature seems to rise. ii felt super hot but im aware that actually the room temp is normal. my thighs developed two patch of rashes as its pretty itchy since Sunday. then thats also dunno stomach wind or flu which makes me wanna vomit. had not skipped any meals on Sunday nor Monday. so goodness know what went wrong. body aches added on above all. faint.
reached office jiu approach ewei for gastric medicine. while waiting for her, dunno wad got into me. tears started flowing for no reason. it started off as a few drops nia. then turned into as if im crying. but its not ii wanna cry. the tears dropped by itself and ii cant stop it. hide over at finance room for close to an hour as there much quieter and emptier. dunno wanna let others see my non-sensical state of mind. but dunno how come sherry knows about it. T_T she walked over to show concern. wanna take MC actually but KP walked in and discussed with me all the outstanding issues ii have on hand. so decided to continue on. thank God by lunch im okay as ii swallowed 2 panadol.
through it all, ken had not asked me if im okay. he knows once im inside office, i'll boot up my laptop. ii had not until 30min later. and ii sat down at my desk & keep blowing my nose and have the crying-alike sound. and the first hour ii kept shuttling between my office & finance room. he had not shown any form of concern. we left office at different timings. but as the frequency of the bus is 20-30mins after 7pm, we ended up on same bus. we boarded at different stops though. ii saw him before he came up but ii quickly busy myself smsing a fren. does not look @ his direction at all. not even when ii alighted. couldnt helped myself. smsed him after that. we smsed all the way til he went to bed. but he had not asked my condition at all. even though he is the first to know that im sick ever since Friday. wadever.
20th August 2008he had not asked me whether im leaving office for close to a week already. and it has been ii think close to 2 weeks since we last took bus together to Clementi. after the change of events in the last two weeks, with him acting cool still and blowing hot and cold, ii no longer wanna spot him in morning buses nor leave office within 5-10 minutes that he leave. each morning when ii wait for 183, i'll pray hard that ii will not see him. but the more ii dun wanna see him, the more ii seem to be bumping into him.
he is zoned out in morning usually so mostly ii spotted him from far and turned my back to him. treating his presence as invisible. not looking at his direction at all. usually he stands at the head of the bus stop while im at the end. so ii saw the bus coming first moved to front to wait for it to stop. didnt see him so ii glanced around to see his location. dots. he was standing pretty close to where ii am earlier. he has perfect eyesight so ii dun really think he hadnt see me lor. makes me start to have doubts all those times that he claimed hadn't spotted me.
the hours passed pretty fast. no words were exchanged between us. during lunch, he is always seated next to or opposite Michelle. today they were chatting among themselves all the way. all stopped to wait for Joling while she buys snacks but the 2 of them had not. they went off first. no comments. same thing, he left office without a word. walked over to chat with Mic before he goes. ii no longer bother to catch up with him recently and today is the same. also gave up in initating the sms with him. after all, wads the point of continuing when it seems like im the only one putting in the effort?
he suddenly onlined in jabber and talked to me. typed in chinese "so late still dun wanna go?" stunned. its ages since he last auto chatted with me. but of cos ii acted cool and slow in the response as im busy with my ONS things. when ii left office, he wasn't active in jabber. so ii just left a msg to say im making a move. "if you wanna contd the chat, then sms me. but if you are tired, then its alright. see you tmr." he smsed me and stopped when he wanna go off to bed.
why the change in attitude? ii cant figure out his thinking at all man. getting pretty lost. he seems to be aware when ii wanna let go and ignore his presence. cos at times like these, he will always started being the one to approach me. dear ah ken ah... you have got me stumped. you are the first guy in a long while whose thoughts are neither unreadable nor interpretatable by me. of cos, this is with respect to r/ship & whats ur actual feelings for me. all others like character and mindset, im okay. im only lacking in this >.<
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9:32 PM
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Monday, August 18, 2008
最近你好像比較注意我和關心我了。當我不再office時﹐你會打電話給我。 when calling me, your first words will always be asking me where ii am. and what time i'll be going back to office. then ii will question you why suddenly ask me that 喔﹖then your excuse will be that nothing much, just wanna borrow the batt's charger. but its like, ii got direct him to borrow the charger from Sugi. his answer will then be, “那不用盡。等你回來吧”。 which is why no matter how, i'll always try to leave cust's place by 5pm so that ii can be back at office and take bus with him. silly of me right?
ii said him twice that he is turning more and more dao. my words seem to have some kind of effect on him. ever since then, he does reply to my smses and jabber. and on jabber, we even chatted outside work stuff. and he will not ignore it now. in smses, he tried to end the conversation by saying take care and enjoy your weekend. but each reply ii sent, he will continue it. thats once when ii really accidentally called him. the call got through 9 secs before ii realise it & hung up the call. he should hang up as its obvious it was a mistaken call but he didnt. faint.
today ii went off-in-lieu and had not told him. he thought im away at customer's place and called me about 3pm. same thing, wanna borrow the charger. lol. so ii tell him ii will not be going in. he sounded disappointed and said, "Oh.. how come? on leave? off? or sick?" he remembered wad we smsed about 3 days ago. hahax. responsed on off but was sick. then asked me to take care before hanging up. not long later i online jabber and we talked. his first words was to ask me to go and rest well. getting kinda lost. today we chatted about r/ship & companionship once more. your stand is still as strong as ever. so what does the above means?
i've seen you chatted with many other female colleagues on work stuff and also some other stuff. but never heard you guys chatted personal life and sharing of views. is it really ii think too much? well well, ii only know you are on my mind more often now. 我真的喜歡你打從我的心底。好怕那一天你會知道。。。
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11:22 PM
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Friday, August 15, 2008
okay this week has been a pretty busy and tiring week. partically everyday is after work is meeting fren(z). read on to find out. but of cos, ii mentioned a lil about him too hahaha!
11th August 2008princess jane finally asked me out. we went to the cathay and watched "Bad Habits". its a Spanish award-winning film. storyline revolves around women trying to hard to lose weight and getting their children to be the same as them. also, talking about a girl who could be a doctor but ended up being a nun or wadever you called that in a church. reason is cos she feels a doctor will not be able to save lives and only being a believer of Christ will one be able to recover and/or get well from illness faster.
dun really like the movie. but hey, at least ii get to spend time with my princess (: after movie headed over to Xin Wang for dinner. we chatted about where ii hope to head in future for my work wise. also mentioned about kenny. finally ii got a guy to talk about, she must be thinking. cos i'm single for the past 2+ years and hadn't shown much interest in any guys. except p@nd@ lol. so yup. and jane shows me she kinda changed. no longer that clinged to her bf and treasure the time she has with me. alex wanna come and join us actually but she rejected her. even took mrt with me when alex could have drove her back. thanks girl. ii appreciate it =D
12th August 2008quite disappointed today. had cancelled my meeting with jeff as stomach upset. so thought ii could take bus back with ken since the rest of the days ii will be out with friends. but ended up he left office without saying a single word to me. all ii know is when ii turned around, he is gone. but of cos, ii got the feeling he left already as he sprayed perfume before he is out of office. why so? don't know. he didnt used to do that. weird~ its not cos he is meeting girls. ii believe he really does meet up with his bunch of good friends at night. after all, he has no reason to lie to me.
oh yah, ii got see him at bus stop too. he took some time to come out. guess he is smoking behind. as to if he is with anyone or was he waiting there for me, i'm not sure. he hadn't smsed when he is out either. argh! and at bus stop, ii was standing behind while sarah they all were in front. he stood with them and seated with them. had not alighted at the same stop as me either. no idea why. did he really not see me? or he just wanna be with them?
anyway, 失望. ii guess this means all the more i'm correct to decide to keep a distance away from him. since he already seems to be fading away, then shall let it be. sadddd~
13th August 2008after yesterday's episode, decided not to have lunch with them. ii need to have the space before ii really fall deeper. so yup. ii was back at office faster than the rest as ii ate liao then went back. so when ken returns to office during lunch, he still sees me at work. he tried asking me face to face if ii had my lunch but ii thought he was talking to alvin so had not answered. so he jabbered me and asked me. told him ii did. then he was worried that ii didnt came along as Mani was around. ii just brushed it off and said ii wanna time alone. he was curious why. so ii told him rmbr that msn msg ii sent you the other time? he's got a question mark look. then ii found he that he that night had not received the msn msg from me. cos he is using yahoo! messenger. will not receive offline messages. faint. how could ii have forgotten?
well, we took bus together today and its ii decided to catch up with him. pearlyn saw us ii think. but she had not said anything. anyway, on bus to clementi we chatted about work. he said that all that he is doing now isn't wad he wanted. he wanna do more of biz rather than IT. said that if he really wanna do IT, he will not have chosen LGA and so on. but then ii argued back then biz cannot survive without IT. knowing about IT is not enough. one must be able to apply it too. so on. ii also told him that in my opinon he is against IT thus he will be so unhappy with here. well, he said he is pretty certain of what he wanted. not sure if all ii had said had affected him anot, but he ended the topic saying that he will wait til he finished the process then think about the future.
seriously, i'm used to his presence. with him around, seeing his smile just warms my heart you know? cant really imagine no more him. will be quite sad lei. anything is, if he leaves, should ii declare my feelings? or let it be..? no idea :S
14th August 2008hmmm i dreamt of his last night again. this time we are in office and there's new female colleagues who are very pretty. so ii used the chance to ask him what type of girls he like. but he never reply me. lol. then ii wake up le. then today morning he got smsed me wor. in response to ytd sms. but its like, he really just continue the sms all the way. he reached office about 830am. ii have not reached yet. he continued the sms even though ii may be reaching any second wor. this keeps a smile on my face the whole day. so happy!
hahax. ii went out to customer's place in the morning. 1+pm then back to LGA. smsed ken and found out they went NUS for lunch. so called Jo to help me buy lunch back. just so happen only ken eats western food. so he helped me buy it and also the fruit juice. cos like that ii need to pay him only mah. dunno how come the whole office knows that he bought food for me. once ii started eating, everybody asked me if its sweet and very delicious. faint. hahax. but hahax!
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11:16 PM
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Friday, August 8, 2008
我终于明白和觉悟了。你会 Michelle 在一起是因为你想和她学习 Blackberry 的东西。所以你会选择和她吃饭 and even take bus with her. but its too late that ii realise this. cos the words are out. that's no way ii can take it back. even if ii had msned you and apologise for it. are you mad at me? ii have no idea. ii only know the words exchanged between us are getting lesser each day. its really hurting. feel like crying. have said that not all girls will be so childish and 吃醋。但我偏偏就吃了。 the minor chance which ii may have could be all gone.
期待只会带来失望。 at least for my case. haix. why things turn this way? meant to be just a game. ended up generating feelings for you. but hey, Faith has never believed in platonic friendship. so LOL! its all cos 我们对彼此产生了好感(regardless between girls or boys)所以我们才会变成好友。 nothing to object with this statement right? lalala!
anyway, since ii already 反醒了, and already know ii dun wanna this game to go on as the hurt party may be me, i'll be distancing myself and him. 我不会在等他一起放工。如果我做完我的东西我就会先走。但当然会对他说一声因为他都会问我；是个礼貌行。但不会在因为和他聊天就坐过站。也不会在为自己制造机会了。 this plan has taken effect as of today. cos we were the only left in office @ 730pm. he asked me if ii going off. ii said in 10-15mins. in the end ii only left about 20-30mins later. perhaps he could have waited for me a while. but ii doubt so. shall not place hopes on him anyway.
加油 Faith! focus on work first!! anyway, there's chances he may not stay on. cos he felt pretty stressed & tired out by work. ii'd given him a simple view from my perpsect; Regardless of where you are working, you need to learn from the ropes. moreover we are in the midst of revamping the process, things will only get better. weigh your pros and cons. if u see more cons, then its your choice. seems that the above helps a bit. cos he looks better after that. (:
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10:03 PM
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Tuesday, August 5, 2008
ii know ii got good feelings from the start when ii first started the game. but didnt expect that ii will go to the extent of being jealous you know. ytd huiting told me that she overheard kenny & sarah talking about private stuff. and she commented they seem on pretty good terms. wasn't jealous when ii heard it. but wanna use it to tease him instead as he mentioned he not interested in r/s. so ii briefly mentioned ii heard about him & sarah. he said they were talking abt work. so i just responsed, "oh is it". then he added on sometimes the topic does go on to stuffs unrelated to work. so ii left it as that. aint me who asked for the details. just teasing nia yet he told me the stuff himself. and nowadays whenever he on bus, he will auto sms me first.
decided to keep my distance to see how things turn. so today had not ate lunch nor took bus back with him. he wanted to acc me stay back actually as he asked if im staying back alone. i managed to convince him to go off without me. he online via blackberry once he out of office to talk to me. i got replied but then he did not msg me again til much later. guess what he msg me? he took train with Michelle back. he also smsed me the same thing as i had not replied to his jabber. i ignored his sms as i was busy troubleshooting pbx with zt/kp. 45min i completed my stuff and got the time to read thru his sms carefully. saw the above i stunned. he had never once took mrt back with me; only bus until clementi thats it. missed bus cos we chatting yes. but talking train with me? never ever. but he took with Mic. wth?!!? i couldnt help myself. i smsed back and repeated wad he said. then commented he had never took train with me. as usual, he reached home no more sms. its either tmr morning he will reply me, or leave it that way.
i again spoilt it. started off as a mind game. end up liking that person. to the extent showing jealousy. dots. thats wad he dun really like in a r/s too. aiya dunno la. die liao le nor. confirm i got quite a bit of feeling for him. cos he appeared in my dream last night somemore nor. and i dreamt he confessed that his feelings for me and we ended together. people often say dreams are opposite of reality. sian liao. can only wait and watch how things will turn out. God bless!
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10:36 PM
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Saturday, August 2, 2008
your stand on against of relationships doesn't really seem that strong to me anymore. you have been bringing up this kind of topics pretty frequent recently. of cos, could be cos you wanna hint that you ain't interested in r/s. but you keep emphasizing that your groups and you share the same mindset. and they always wanted a r/s. the way you phrased sounded as if you are thinking the same thing too.
and my rebuke whenever you bring up this topic is the same. 5 years many things had changed. you had grown up and your character and environment is different. nowadays r/s is more of communication, trust and commitment. gotta really understand whats the other's goals and dreams. does not need to share the same vision but have to be able to 体谅 the other party and so on. and of cos gotta see what you want out of the r/s. if the motive is just for playing purposes or just have a gf cos ppl ask you to, this kind of r/s surely will not last. and the ending will be you get disappointed nia.
when i said the above, he will repeat his previous stand but it sounds much weaker. he is spending more time listening to my reasoning now lol. should we disagree, we will both be speaking at the same time. used to be i stopped and let him say finish first. now its different. we will continue with the two voices until one backs down. and i'm proud to say its him who stopped. whahaha!
oh yah added in another thing. its pretty obvious we leave office together as we both pack at the same time. and i always purposely wanna he go first but he seems to share the same mentality like me. so the timing ended up to be about the same. faint. and as he showed me which way he walked to bus stop, before we leave office, he would tell me to meet at the back yard. hahax. and today he as usual, he had arranged to meet with his frenz. we took bus to clementi. his bus came 4 times but he had not boarded it. continue chatting with me and the reason given for not boarding the bus is cos he wanna wait for double decker. lol. ended up we talked at the bus stop for an hour. pretty exaggerating xia. then things have changed to he auto smsed me when we parted. and the last sms is always him to me. no more every sms he sent me i reply. haha!
getting closer to something..? we have do away with the formalities already too. lol. lalalala~
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12:20 AM
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