Sunday, December 30, 2007
this year xmas i managed to gather with most ofmy good friends. for xmas eve, met up with shawn. went for movie (National Treasure) and then prata at Thomson Road. chatted a while then headed home at 9+pm. then next day, which is xmas itself, gather with jane, june and kino. sang at 7th Heaven KTV. started the session feeling a bit bored dunno why. kinda felt left out. then towards the end become kino and i holding on to the mic most of the time. jane parted with us after singing to meet another fren. the rest of us ate dinner. dunno what got over kino. suddenly so emo. totally cold to june and i. so i just catch up with june on all the events in our lives as its a long time we had a heart-to-heart talk. the following day, staCy asked me out for dinner at the board game club. makan and played til 10+pm then off to home.
though these three days are spent meeting frenz, i feel its quite meaningful. when i used to be attached, my time is all allocated to bf. never have time to find out what's going on in my friends' life. now able to catch up with them more often. its a joy to me and them i guess.
thats a new found change in me though. i used to be one of the crappest girl around. but the current me no longer able to crack lame jokes. pretty serious. when others share jokes, i still can catch what it meant immediately but i don't actually have a reaction to it. don't find it funny or what. have been just entertaining my friends by smiling. its been a long while since i last gave a sincere and real laugh to others. why is it so? i also dunno.
going to 20o8 liao. what does the new year holds for me? official shift to second level (apps support) and change of my job scope. will be enrolling at psb academy for a 14-month degree either in IT or networking. hope to be able to find the real me. don't wish to live an aimless life. don't want to be doing repetitive actions; eg work and home only daily. sick of it all. hope to be able to pick up a course be it at community service or what. God bless me!
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1:33 AM
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Sunday, December 23, 2007
i dunno how to describe life now. should i say its great? i have been talking for weeks that im glad to be able to switch over to apps support. this has been announced already to all staff a couple of weeks back. by right, i should feel joyous but i don't. instead, im feeling lost. starting to doubt in my own capability. felt as if im not needed inside the custcare team anymore. there are people taking over my workload. i can only guide to ensure all is done correctly. then im given the task of generating the weekly SI meeting report which i aint doing a good job. on the otherhand, i heard that ZT planned to send me for blackberry training which im quite happy about. afterall, it means i won't totally be stuck with administrative work.
i seem to be starting to lose interest in work lerr. got share that with a colleague. they say it may be cos of the change bah. i guess so. shall wait and see. in the midst of clearing leave; off on 18th to 25th december. have not been doing much except watching the dramas and variety shows. of course, got meet up with some frenz too. but deep down, still feel something is amiss. i cant find anything to motivate me. wheres the girl who never says die? all i see in the mirror is a girl who is lonely and not needed by anyone.. the xin at the beginning and end of 2007 is totally two different girls. haix.
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7:26 PM
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